restless

I've been on a bit of a rollercoaster recently. Emotionally. I hate that it comes and goes so quickly. I can be entirely fine one day, and by the next, I'm anxious, wondering what is to come next. Why can I not rest in God's plan for my life? And remember that He has written my story, and desires good things for my life? Why do I stress and plan and try to figure it all out on my own?

But I know exactly what triggered it this time. I've recently had to say goodbye to yet another of my Merritt friends. Daniel came into my life way back at the end of January, through mutual friends at my small group. We hit it off right away, and quickly became friends, even dating for a couple months earlier this year. I loved getting to know him and his family, and enjoyed having another friend to do things with. The entire time I've known him though, we have talked about him being accepted into the army, and then once he was accepted, talked about him leaving. I knew this day was coming all along. Yet, it doesn't make saying goodbye any easier. He left this last Saturday to go to boot camp in Quebec. And while I am so excited for him and what is to come in his future, I can't help but ask WHY? Why has yet another person that I've become close with been taken away from me? Why can I not just have one of my friends stay in Merritt? It seems like it's just a given that every person I become close with here, is soon taken elsewhere. And in short, it sucks.

It all makes me restless, and wonder when it will be my time to leave this place as well, to move on to new things. And what will those new things be? New job? More schooling? Travelling? New relationship?

As restless as I feel sometimes though, I know that for right now, I need to stay in Merritt a little longer. I'm not quite done here yet. I have a great community within my church, and I feel like I'm really starting to develop good relationships with some kids in the youth group. And I'm not ready to leave those things quite yet. So, I'm praying for contentment to be here for a while longer, and trusting the path of my life that God has set before me. I may not know what's around the next corner - but He does, and that's enough.

I have had a fantastic summer though! I've had plenty of adventures - a trip to the coast and Vancouver Island with my parents, camping in Wells Gray Provincial Park (with whitewater rafting!), and a weekend spent exploring Jasper National Park! All good times! I am thankful for this summer, and for the time that I've been able to spend with friends and family. It has been good to stay 'home' and explore, and nurture the friendships that He has given to me.